Get the Belly Dance Police Out of Your Head

We've all been there: worried about what others might think or say about us. Desiring praise, hoping to avoid criticism. It's a natural human emotion to want to be liked and accepted, especially when we put ourselves into a vulnerable position. And there's really nothing like getting up on stage to perform in front of a crowd of people that will do that quite as fast.

When you're performing, your presenting yourself and your art and opening the door for the audience to provide their feedback; good or bad. And of course, we want our audience to enjoy the performance we are presenting to them.

However, too much attachment to the avoidance of criticism and the desire for praise can really be a huge stumbling block. Approaching performance with this mentality will leave you stuck in your head. It will make you wonder if you're doing it "right". If the audience is enjoying themselves. If your technique is strong enough. If your makeup is perfect enough. If your costume is glam enough.

It's what I like to call the belly dance police syndrome. Instead of dancing your truth, you're putting your focus and energy into dancing what you think others think you should be doing/looking/moving like. Trying to do it "right", instead of doing it true to yourself.

Performing in this mode results in an endless array of self-questioning and self-doubt that will only hamper your ability to open up, be vulnerable, and present your true self on stage. In short, the belly dance police, real or imagined, will shut you down fast.

So I'm here to tell you this: get the belly dance police our of your head. Get your instructors out of your head. Your peers. The latest snarky post you read on the Interwebs. And mostly importantly, get yourself out of your head.

Perform from your heart.

So now, I hear you saying, okay, yes, great advice, I agree with you, but how do I actually do that?

I won't claim to be an expert on self-confidence, being open, and not concerning myself with what others think. These are certainly skills I have yet to master and I'm sure will be a life-long work in progress. But these are all things I continually work on finding a balance with. And it's not to say that you will ever get completely to a place of not caring. If you did, you'd likely end up on the opposite side of the spectrum as a sociopath, and that's certainly not the desired outcome either. But it's about not letting fear hold you back. So here's some tools and tips to try out.

Fail. Yes, you read that right fail. Enter a competition and don't win. Forget your choreography on stage. Clumsily drop the prop you are working with. Have your jewelry fly off and across the room. Get your veil stuck on an overhead ceiling fan. Have your shoe get stuck to a paillette on your costume so that you are suddenly an involuntary flamingo. (By the way, these are all things that have happened to me.) Because here's the thing; failing shows you that something bad happened, and guess what? You didn't die. Your dance career isn't over. The world didn't come crashing down. Failing is a part of life and it gives us valuable advice on what didn't work, so we can move forward with fixing it next time. It makes us realize that hey, we are still okay. Something fearful happened and I am still going to dance another day.

Repeat. Performing, opening up, connecting with the audience. These are all skills that require time, practice, and patience. So get out and do it. A lot. Say yes, and then say yes some more to performance opportunities. Rome wasn't build overnight and neither are you. As they say repetition is the key to success.

Unhook. To really be yourself, to be vulnerable, to be successful as an artist, you need to unhook from both praise and criticism. Your value as a performer is not tied up in what a particular audience may or may not think of you. So I'd like to propose a novel concept. This concept actually comes from Tara Mohr's book Playing Big. And here is the idea: "When you receive feedback - negative or positive - remember that the feedback doesn't tell you about you, it tells you about the people giving the feedback." Wait, what? Why did no one tell me this years ago? After I initially read that, I had to sit with that thought for awhile, because I think it's a very powerful approach to interactions with other people. It's an approach that doesn't allow other people to control our emotions and states of being. It doesn't mean that other people's feedback isn't valuable or that we shouldn't consider it. But it means it's a point of view, food for thought that we can consider and then choose to work with or leave behind. But that ultimately, it's not personal, it's just one person's outlook.

Update. Often when we find that we are being driven to seek a certain kind of praise or feel especially stung by a certain kind of criticism, it's usually being driven by a doubt or mirroring a belief that we hold internally. But rather than continuing to seek external validation, the work needs to be done to address that inner doubt or fear, and update it to an empowering belief. You have to shine light on the dark places, work through it, and release it, so you can move on.

So there you have it. A few ideas and practices to try incorporating both in your dance, and in daily life for that matter, to reclaim your personal power, perform from a place of authenticity and vulnerability, and shine your inner star. Because nobody other than you can dance your dance.

Meet Lunaria's "Oh My Goldness" Dancers

Oh My Goldness! Coming up on April 14th, the belly dance cabaret company that I dance with, Lunaria Dance Theatre, will be producing and performing its second annual full-length cabaret show. 

Premiering once again at Hale's Palladium, this year's theme is Oh My Goldness, and boy, do we have some fun numbers in store! 

Prepare to be transported to a night spun from golden dreams, where glitter and glitz abound around every corner. Classic pinups will sizzle in the golden glow of the beach. Cleopatra and her consorts will captivate with their skill at balancing candelabras and candle trays. Dark denizens will dazzle and dominate. Sexy showgirls will drip liquid gold, while bawdy burlesque will leave nothing behind but golden delight. This show is sure to be nothing but 24-cabaret gold!

Intrigued? Then let's take a moment to meet the Lunaria company dancers! This month's post is an chance to learn a bit more about each dancer, as well as what numbers they are looking forward to the most!

For each dancer, I asked the following questions:

1.  What is the one thing that has been most challenging for you in getting ready for Oh My Goldness?

2.  What piece in Oh My Goldness are you looking forward to the most?

3. What's a little known dance fact about yourself? 

Amalia

Challenge: For this production I was given the opportunity to manage costuming. To get the look we wanted for a few of the dances, the costumes had to be constructed from scratch. I'm really enjoying designing and creating costumes, but with my limited experience in sewing, I'm discovering very quickly that I really have a lot to learn! (Comment from Alessandra: She's lying! She's great at it!)

Piece: I'm really excited about our Hey Big Spender piece. I think the 60's themed costuming, and big, fun wigs will be really entertaining. The choreography features such a contrasting spectrum of energy, from very still and intense, to wild and over the top. I think the audience will get a kick out of it.

Fact: I have a lifelong love for theater and have always wanted to get involved in the creative work that goes on behind the scenes. So while on break from our Last Lunaria production; Moon Over Manhattan, I began volunteering at Red Curtain Foundation, which is a small and fantastic community theater in Marysville. I started with set painting and assisting in the costuming department, and recently was given the opportunity to head costuming for their production of Body Awareness, which ran in January. 

Genevieve

Challenge: The most challenging thing has been pacing myself given the other things that I have going on. I just performed in Kat Welsh's Horrific 3, which required many months to get ready for; on top of having a 15-month old and two small businesses.

Piece: I'm most looking forward to seeing how my solo performance ends up looking. It is still a bit on the drawing board. Regarding group, pieces, probably Country Girl, as it takes me into new costuming and character territory.

Fact: I'm very excited for when my son turns two, because then I can take the mom-kid duet ballet classes with him at PNB!

Gevene

Challenge: The most challenging part of getting ready for Oh My Goldness has been becoming the character for each piece. This is an exciting challenge for me that I'm working on at each rehearsal. 

Piece: I am really looking forward to performing the Chair piece. I've never performed with a chair and I love the music!!

Fact: I started learning classical ballet at age seven and have loved every style of dance since then!! 

Jada

Challenge: This year has brought about a lot of change for the ladies on our team...a baby, moving, family death, relationship changes, and work crisis! Life can throw unexpected things our way that make it difficult maintain consistent rehearsing and artistic vision for the show. I'm so proud of all us for the dedication, time, and commitment we have invested.

Piece: I LOVE our Gold finale piece! It's fun, retro, and high energy. And oh, those gold costumes!!!

Fact: My new dance passion is learning how to dance with a partner. It's such a challenge learning to connect and follow a leader when you're used to directing your own movements to the music.

Mellilah

Challenge: Creating the choreography for our finale piece, Gold, has been the biggest challenge for me! I did a lot of research and rewrote parts of it several times before coming up with the finale version. Having a full-time job with a horrid commute, on top of producing, marketing, directing, and choreographing, adds a whole other challenge! I'm pretty thrilled about the dance and can't wait to share it on April 14th!

Piece: I'm really looking forward to Heatwave from the movie There's No Business Like Show Business, sung by Marilyn Monroe! It was a tough piece for me to choreograph, as the music is challenging and I had to get really creative in how to incorporate the parasols with seven dancers on a small stage! 

Fact: I was a belly dance instructor for over eight years, teaching three classes a week and running a student dance troupe before throwing in the towel to make more time for Lunaria Dance Theatre. I was also a die-hard traditionalist, preferring authentic Egyptian style belly dance over anything involving fusion. I guess I let that one go too; well kind of. I still perform often as a belly dance soloist at private parties and with the live bands in the area. 

Shannon

Challenge: Probably the biggest challenge for me in getting ready has been finding a balance to practice all our different material. We have a variety of dances, and it's easy to get stuck working on one or two "zones" and forget to spread the preparation around. Luckily, I'm feeling pretty caught up now.

Piece: There are a lot of fun, varied pieces in Oh My Goldness, so choosing one is tough! But I might be most excited to see how Blood in the Cut turns out. I'm not in this piece, but I'm loving watching how it develops. It's going to be hot! I'm also really excited for our show-opening piece, Country Girl, and the Gold finale piece. Both really different, and I think the audience will love them!

Fact: For my first year or so of bellydance classes, I never practiced outside of class (and, shockingly, didn't really get much better). But finally my teacher announced that we would be having a student recital, and the fear of public humiliation forced me to practice. Without that first recital I might not be here today!

And finally I asked myself...

Alessandra

Challenge: To echo what so many in the group have said already, the biggest challenge for me as been the time-commitment of trying to practice and perfect eight different numbers. Like most dancers in the company, I have a full-time job, as well as other family and community commitments, so it can be a real challenge to find the time to rehearse so many different pieces.

Piece: I'm really excited for Blood in the Cut. This is a piece by the singer K.Flay, who is an artist that I really love. The piece is going to be dark, sexy, and edgy. I also have to say that I'm pretty excited for my solo. I have a special surprise "trick" incorporated, plus the music selection for my solo is a very familiar piece that really touches the heartstrings for many people. So I'm hoping it's a crowd pleaser!

Fact: I love the performing arts and my life is really structured around that passion. For my day job, I'm the Controller for Seattle Theatre Group, which the non-profit that operates the Paramount, Moore, and Neptune theatres in Seattle; and produces 600+ shows a year. I'm also a board member for Velocity Dance and Sixth Day Dance. And in my free time, I love to continue with the creative theme: modeling, playing the violin, crafting, and of course, more dancing!

Ready to see our upcoming cabaret? Tickets can be purchased here. Get yours today before we sellout!

Should a Belly Dancer Be Sexy?

With love and sex on the minds of many today, I thought it would be apropos to discuss a question that's been on my mind lately: Should a belly dancer be sexy?

Well, depending on who you ask, you'll likely get different answers, including some pretty strong opinions.  The most common stereotype of a belly dancer is of a scantily clad woman gyrating and writhing around in some public venue as audience members push tips into her costume.  That it is some type of low-brow art form, with lots of sexy and sex sells going on.  Case in point, I've heard a father remark to his young daughter, "don't get any ideas" as I've danced past their table (and let's get this straight, it was in a non-writhing, family-friendly fashion) at a restaurant.  But ask most belly dancers, and they'll tell you they are pretty offended by this stereotype.

Stepping back, let's define what we're talking about. What does it even mean to be sexy?  Webster's dictionary has two definitions, "1: sexually suggestive or stimulating" and "2: generally attractive or interesting".  Hmmm, okay. Well those are two entirely different things.  I find a large number of items, like Dali paintings, sequin ballet flats, Paris, and  high-end stationary to fall under definition #2, but certainly not definition #1.  However, as a society, we seem to be fixated on definition #1.

I would say that unfortunately, our society has demeaned, marginalized, and eroded what it truly means to be sexy.  Our culture in the U.S. is one where we are constantly bombarded with visuals of hyper-sexual women, whether it's Victoria's Secret Angels prancing down a runway or Kate Upton in a too-small bikini.  We have fashion magazines exploding with touched-up images of perfection.  (By the way, take a look at this project illustrating the ridiculousness of fashion editorials.)  Now, I would like to clarify that I'm not judging either Victoria Secret, Kate Upton, or any others like them, as I believe they have a place in our collective culture.  But sadly, this is typically the sole image of femininity that we are presented with.  It's only one facet of being sexy, and it's not the facet that comes from a position of strength and respect for women.

Which brings me back to belly dance.  When being stereotyped, most belly dancers are being compared to, or expected to look like, these media images of sexy without any further dimension.  But in dance, what we really want to get into is definition #2.  When my audience watches me dance, yes, the costume and the visual image are part of the presentation, but they are only one part.  Like all professional belly dancers, I've spent countless hours studying not only the dance technique itself, but the history, culture, and music behind the dance.  So when I step onstage it's much more than just outward appearances.  It's the culmination of many years of hard work.  It's my goal to take all that hard work and get my audience to see the music brought to life.  I want them to see the crispness of my isolations and the soft flutter of my silk veil  I want to transport them.  I want to engage them.  In short, I want them to find the performance interesting.

So does that mean that outward appearances don't matter? Is sexy just an artistic state of mind?  Well, I would argue that no, that's no entirely correct either.  Dance is a visual art form, and as such, a dancer's outer appearance is part and parcel with the performance.  You cannot separate the two.  In an art form where a costume costs on average $600 to $1,000, there is a substantial investment in the outward presentation.  A professional dancer would never just expect to show up and perform.  Time and money are invested, not only into the costume, but into hair, makeup, nails, jewelry, and more.  And I would even go so far to say that her demeanor should convey a certainly level of sex appeal.  And by a certain level, I like to think of it as more goddess than sex kitten.  She's doesn't need to flirt with her audience.  And I certainly think a belly dancer should not be performing any lewd or suggestive moves. But she should most certainly be confident.  Because in any situation, confidence really is the ultimate in sexiness. She should smile, look me in the eye, let me know she's comfortable inside her own skin, and that she's in charge of what's going to happen in the upcoming minutes.

So in my opinion, yes, a belly dancer should be sexy.  Yes, even definition #1 sexy. Her appearance should be put together and with well-manicured hair and makeup.  Her costume should fit in a flattering manner and be appropriate for her body.  But she should also present the deeper dimensions of the dance to me.  Definition #2 sexy.  As I'm watching her, I want to be drawn in by her, but I don't want her sexy speaking so loudly that I can't hear her dance or see her talent.  I don't need overaggressive sexy pushed into my face or flaunted for the room.  But rather it should just smoulder and simmer below the surface, leaving me space to marvel at her whole presentation.

Photo Credit: Aziza (who, dare I say, is sexy #1 and #2), www.bellydance.org

Tools to Increase Your Performance Confidence

One of the most important things a dancer can do while performing is be confident. By exuding confidence, a dancer projects to the audience that they can relax, be comfortable, and enjoy the show. However, being confident can be easier said than done. Even now, nerves will still get to me at times. Especially if I'm performing at a new venue or there are other unexpected curve balls, my confidence can start to dissipate. But the good news is, there are a few performance tools you can think about employing to fake your confidence even if you're not feeling it. And probably the biggest benefit, the more you use these tools, the more you will start to feel genuinely confident and comfortable in your dance. Before you know it, you won't even be faking it anymore.

1. Breathe - when we get nervous or excited we breathe much more shallowly. From my early days of performing I remember walking off the stage and being so out of breath because I had barely inhaled or exhaled throughout my entire performance. If you're not breathing normally during your performance, your audience might not be able to put their finger on what's wrong, but they will subconsciously feel that tension. So you have to breathe for your audience! By breathing deeply, you signal to yourself that you can relax and let the present moment envelop you. In turn, it will also signal to those watching that they can do the same.

2. Make Eye Contact - it's surprising how scary making eye contact can be during a performance. As a performer, you are already putting yourself in a position of vulnerability, and making eye contact is inviting in even more vulnerability. Who knows what type of judgment or opinion of our performance we might see reflected back at us? Regardless, making eye contact is one of the key ways to display our confidence. So if it doesn't feel natural, force yourself to do it. I have a bad habit of looking down when I start to get nervous, so I have to remind myself to look my audience in the eyes. It doesn't (and shouldn't) mean that you are staring someone in the face your entire performance, but play with your gaze. Make eye contact for a few seconds and then look away. Repeat on a different audience member. The more you practice, the more natural it will start to feel.

3. Change Your Facial Expression - dance is a conversation, and just like in a normal conversation, your facial expression should change as you express yourself. Imagine how you would feel talking with someone who either failed to make an expression or just had a stiff smile for the length of your conversation with them. It would be awkward and uncomfortable. If you do this to your audience while performing, they will feel the same way. So make sure your expression changes to match the nature of the music. When appropriate, smile naturally, which includes smiling with the eyes as well. And keep in mind that you don't have your mouth closed for the entire length of your performance. When we talk, we have to open our mouths. Same goes for a performance. If your lips are sealed the entire time, you're closing off the figurative dialogue between you and your audience.

4. Slow Down - we've all done it; when that nervous energy takes over we start to move faster and faster. We feel we have to remain in constant motion or we're going to loose our audience's attention. But a performance needs nuance and dimension. It needs both fast and slow, smooth and sharp. But if you're dancing like the energizer bunny, your audience will get tired with you. So take a deep breath in and slow down. Stopping completely can even add in great dramatic effect. Especially when you make your entrance, it's very important to remember to keep the speed down. When you first walk out onto the stage, your audience really just wants to look at you. They are trying to determine who you are. They want to see your costume, jewelry, hair, and makeup. So let them! And remember, you don't have to do every move you've ever learned each time you take the stage. Sometimes less is more!

5. Remember, Your Audience Wants You to Succeed - no one goes to a belly dance performance hoping to see the dancer fail. No one wants you to trip and fall, have a costume malfunction, drop your sword, or forget your choreography. They came to be entertained and have a good time. They came to be happy. Some of my favorite performances to watch were not because the dancer "wowed" me with her technique, but were when the dancer conveyed her joy to me. So stop worrying, relax, enjoy yourself, and your audience will too.

Photo Credit: Picture of Saida from www.cadernosdedanca.wordpress.com

Belly Dance Inspiration via Video

One of the best ways to improve your technique, expand your dance vocabulary, and generally find inspiration for your next performance is to watch other dancers. That's why this post is going to be short on words and big on video. I've included four of my favorite belly dance performances from some of today's top dancers. Enjoy!

Maria - USA

Didem - Turkey

Ruby Beh - USA

Aziza - Canada

If you liked what you saw, follow along with me on Pinterest, as I continue posting more mesmerizing, beautiful, and inspiring performance videos.

Performance Opportunities for Amateur Dancers

Feeling ready to share your dance with the world, but don't know where to start? Then look no further. I have danced at all the events listed below throughout the years and they are all great stages for getting your feet wet:

1. Saqra's Monthly Revue: Hosted by Saqra, this event occurs the first Saturday of every month at Jimmy T's in Kent. Dancers of all levels are welcome. You can dance to either recorded music or try improv and dance with Saqra's RaqsBand. Very welcoming and encouraging environment for new dancers and a great place to hone your improv skills. Saqra's website has more details.
2. Med Fest: Seattle's biggest belly dance festival - two stages and two days of non-stop belly dance performances. First time soloists to world-famous professional dancers have graced the stages of Med Fest. Festival always happens in July. Registration for 2012 is not yet open, but here's the link for when it does. Claim your spot by completing the registration form and mailing it in.
3. Hasani's Hafla: Hasani hosts a quarterly hafla at the First Congregation Church in Tacoma. Her website has the future hafla dates for the next five years! Sign-up by phoning in once registration goes live.
4. Alauda: This event occurs the third Tuesday of every month at the Skylark Club and Cafe in West Seattle. (Psst! I'm performing at this event tomorrow!) Event is organized by Angela, Medea, and Katana. To register, email alaudabellydance@gmail.com. Insider tip: register early as this show fills up months in advance.
5. Leyl Al Arab: This event happens the third Saturday of every month at Enat's in Northgate, and is hosted by BreAnn and Trisha. Each performance includes one or two student dancers, one or two guest dancers, and a feature dancer. Check out the blog for more info.  
6. Delilah's Belly Dance Performance Class: Maybe not feeling quite ready to sign-up for an event yet? Then Delilah's performance class may be the thing for you. A legendary dancer and performer, Delilah will help you hone your performance skills and after six weeks of instruction, there is a student recital held at the studio that you can invite friends and family to. The recital at the end of this class series was my first solo performance ever!
7. And more! Other events come up throughout the year. And of course their are other instructors in the area who offer class series with recitals at the end. Sign up for BellyTalk, the Yahoo! Group for Seattle belly dancers, to stay in the loop as new opportunities come up. To sign up, you need a Yahoo! email account, then search for BellyTalk in the Yahoo! Groups section, send in a request to join, and a moderator will approve your request.

Now go forth and dance!

My Favorite Belly Dancers

One of the best ways to learn and grow in any endeavor is through connecting with mentors and seeking out those that inspire you. Here's my list of favorite belly dancers who I've learned from and watched with awe.

My Favorite Locals
These are the dancers that I've worked with directly and who have helped me shape and hone my technique and style.

Dahlia Moon - a local Seattle dancer know for her Modern Egyptian style and superb shimmies. I've done multiple classes with Dahlia, as well as having seen her perform a number of times, and am never disappointed in her crisp technique combined with elegance and a warm welcoming heart. Check out the spectacular shimmies in this live performance.

Mish Mish - legendary local Seattle dancer and the woman I have to thank for my belly dance career. Mish Mish's class was the first belly dance class I ever took and it was because of her coaching and belief in me that I started doing troupe performances and eventually progressed onto becoming a solist. Mish Mish is known for her extensive knowledge of the history of belly dance, as well as other Middle Eastern folkloric dances. Check out an interview with Mish Mish here.

My Favorites Outside Seattle
These are the dancers that I've seen perform live and have done workshops with who never cease to amaze me with their performances. I aspire to one day dance at their level. Truly mind-blowing stuff that these ladies can crank out on the stage.

Aziza - quite possibly my favorite belly dancer of all time, Aziza has it all; technique, stage presence and beauty. A mesmerizing dancer to watch perform and an excellent teacher to study with. But you don't have to take my word for, just watch this amazing drum solo.

Ruby Beh - known for her Turkish style dance, including fabulous floorwork, Ruby Beh was recently the 1st runner-up in the World (yes, that's right, the entire world) Belly Dance compeition. Videos of her performances are up on her website.

The Honorable Mentions
My list is definitely skewed toward dancers that I've met, studied with, and seen perform live. So a few honorable mentions for some other great dancers out there.

Maria - one of my favorite pieces of a belly dancer's repotoire is the drum solo, and 2009 Belly Dancer of the Year, Maria, doesn't disappoint. Executing one of my favorite drum solos of all time, she makes is look effortless and her timing is flawless. Check it out here.

Rachel Brice - a world famous dancer, Rachel Brice is a pioneer in fusion tribal style dance, taking it to new heights with her pops and locks, intermixed with fluidity and fantastic feats of flexibility, strength, and how-did-she-just-do-that?! moments. Check out the back bend to a drop in this clip.