The Wound Is the Place Where the Light Enters You

I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved. - the Universe

Oh 2019, where to even start with you? It was a year of ups and downs. Some very intense challenges and soul crushing situations. But at the same time, it was a year of building my future and laying the foundation for my future happiness.

This year was the year I legally finalized my divorce. Like many couples, we weren't in agreement about how to allocate our financial assets, which makes an incredibly difficult emotional situation even worse. After teetering along the brink of bringing in lawyers, we were finally able to come to an agreement. Check one, on thank God that situation is behind me.

The house I owned and put up for sale back in 2018 finally sold in 2019. Let me say, it's really not a stellar feeling to be paying a mortgage for months on a house that you aren't even living in, not to mention paying a ridiculous amount for rented furniture to keep the house staged and attractive to potential buyers. But bad timing with a slowing Seattle market left the house up for sale for almost six months. However, it finally sold and closed in early 2019. Check two, on thank God that situation is behind me.

Then there was my job. My previous job had turned into a very toxic work environment, that perhaps in a less-stressful time in my life I would have had more energy, patience, and perseverance to deal with. But not this year. I finally reached my breaking point in early 2019 and actually submitted my resignation without having another job lined up. It was a moment of stomach clenching nerves, and dear God what have I just done anxiety. But there was a part of me who knew it was something I had to do. After a flurry of interviews, I believed I had my new job lined up, only to be given the run around about my new start date for over a month. I know, sounds cool to have time off of work. But when you are just waiting day by day wondering when you're going to have a paycheck again, it's really not that cool. However, a new job opportunity suddenly presented itself at the end of July and in less than a week I had a new offer. I'm enjoying my new company and position, where I feel challenged, engaged, and valued. Check three, on thank God that situation is behind me.

With divorce, house, and job resolved, I could finally focus on moving. Since moving out of my house, I had been living with a good friend, who had kindly opened her home to me. When I had first moved in, I was only supposed to be there for four months. Well, fast-forward twelve months later, and I finally moved out. While I can't underscore the bigheartedness of my friend letting me stay with her for that long, there is certainly a quality to staying in your friend's spare bedroom while all your stuff idles away in a storage unit that chips away at your self-esteem and makes you feel like a squatter. But in August I was finally able to move out of her apartment, reclaim all my furniture and household items, and move into my own place again. Check four, on thank God that situation is behind me.

Nonetheless, 2019 wasn't all dealing with adversity. There were definitely some highlights as well. I was signed as a model by a local agency in Seattle, Northwest Model Management. When I first started styling and participating in photo shoots as a model purely for fun, I never thought it would lead there. But happy to say that it did. I also had the good fortune to have some amazing travel adventures, spending weeks overseas in Barbados, the Dominican Republic, and Croatia. While my three and half month sabbatical got a little tense at the end, it was also pretty amazing to take a break from deadlines and the daily grind and just spend my days doing whatever I wanted, which turns out was a lot of reading, journaling, working out, cuddling with my dog, catching up on sleep, and generally being outside in mother nature. And of course dancing. The extra time off work, coupled with some hustle, lead to me performing more than I ever had before in my life throughout the summer, with multiple gigs almost every week of summer.

The trajectory of events starting in 2018 and culminating throughout 2019 lead to me getting my second tattoo, a long Farsi cursive script running down my spine. The words are from the Sufi poet Rumi and they read, "The wound is the place where the light enters you." And I think that about sums it up. I believe it's the hardest moments in our lives, the ones that keep us up at night, that make us doubt ourselves and our abilities, that make us question the possibility of making it to the other side, that these are the situations that makes us grow as individuals. That push us to the next level. The adversities that wound us deep in our core are also the challenges that break us open to be bigger, better, and brighter than before. It's these events that allow the light into the dark recesses and the hidden places that it couldn't have reached before.

Yes, the wound is the place where the light enters you.

Blustery Bikini Photo Shoot

As many readers know, in addition to belly dancing, I also do some modeling. And I love to share the creative outcomes from photo shoots that I participate in on the blog, which is the topic of this month's post. Back when the weather was "warm", I did a bikini photo shoot with Phil of Donley Photography out at Golden Gardens in Seattle. I put warm in quotation marks because while it was July, being Seattle, it was overcast, a bit misty, and super windy. So it was a standard beach day in the Pacific Northwest. Nevertheless, we pushed through and ended up with some pretty good results.

Modeling in Magnolia

If you've been reading the blog for awhile now, you might know that in addition to dancing, I also do some modeling as well. I was recently asked to be part of a fun collaborative portrait project coordinated by Mary Cartwright of SmartSkinRN and Claudia of Magnolia Village Studios. The pictures were featured in a local art walk here in Seattle back in July, and will later be combined into a printed art book. The core of the project was portraits in soft flowing gowns. However, I was told I could bring my dog and a belly dance costume as well. So you better believe I didn't hesitate to grab both! Here are a few of my favorites from that shoot. Oh, and by the way, if you're wondering why my dog Zeke is looking so intently at the camera, it's because the photographer is holding cheese. Yeah, she's got his number!

 

Cultural Sensitivity and She Said What?!

This post was inspired by a recent incident at a wedding I was performing at. I had been hired to do an approximately 20 minute set, during which the bride and groom had requested an audience participation section. Specifically, they'd requested I pull up a couple of the groomsmen up to dance with me for one song.

Fast forward, day of the show, I'm working my way through my performance, and upon arriving at the song I'd selected for the audience participation portion, I make my way over to a table where there were four groomsmen and their respective dates sitting. I grab one man and gently lead him to standing. I reach for another, when the woman sitting next to him clamps her hand down on his forearm and whispers something furtively in his ear. Upon this, the man gets a slightly awkward, indecisive look on his face. Not entirely sure what just happened, I smile and say come join us, beckoning him to stand. At this, the woman turns around to me with an angry stare and tension in her jaw and says, "I say no, and I'm the wife!"

Insert sound of record scratching. Sudden desire to slap my palm against my forehead.

Wait, what!?

I have so many thoughts go through my head in quick succession.

Lady, have you been watching the show so far? 

You realize this is a belly dance performance, right?

Do you think I'm up here performing some type of adult or "inappropriate" entertainment? 

What type of unfounded bias is this heated reaction coming from? 

As well, as maybe a few other more personal comments that are better left unsaid.

But I think perhaps the reaction that stood out the most for me was the level of cultural insensitivity and quick judgment encapsulated in that statement. Because when it came down to it, the one thing I really wanted to say was a brief oration on the history of belly dance, including it's significant cultural and historical roots. Roots that her comment denied, discredited, and disapproved of in one short demeaning reaction.

In that moment, I had to hold back from launching into a lecture in the middle of my performance. Instead I bit my tongue, smiled, and moved onto the next groomsman, and concluded a lovely show. But if I had said something, this is what I would have said:

Where does your intense, uninformed, and unfounded level of judgment come from?

Let me give you some background info that might make you feel differently.  

Belly dance, or raqs sharqi in Arabic, is a traditional dance of many Middle Eastern countries, especially common in Egypt and Turkey.  While raqs sharqi has been theatricalized and stylized for stage performance, it has roots in raqs beledi, literally meaning dance of the people. Raqs beledi is a dance characterized by grounded footwork and hip and chest isolations performed by men, women, and children in their homes and during celebratory events. Both raqs beledi and raqs sharqi are performed to music that is intricate and beautiful, based on a complex musical system of maqams. It encompasses unique rhythms that tie back to various cultural regions and people of Egypt, such as the sai'idi rhythm originating from along the Nile valley. It is a dance that has overlapping components of dance vocabulary with traditional folkloric dances, such as ghawazee, raqs asaya, and shamadan.

Ultimately, it has heritage that goes back years beyond American dance and performing arts. Don't be deceived to think that Hollywood is the only epicenter of dance stars. Belly dancers, such as Samia Gamal, Tahiya Carioca, and Nagwa Fouad were big movie stars in Arabic cinema. The dancer and choreographer, Mahmoud Reda achieved fame and acclaim on par with America's beloved Gene Kelly. And while, yes, the sparkly two-piece costume is not traditional prior to the twentieth-century, I would like to point out that it covers more of a dancer's body that your average ballet costume. But for those not familiar with a belly dancer, it somehow feels easy to look down upon, to consider low-class, while ballet is "classical" and "refined". Let me say, it's time to recalibrate that narrative.

In short, my take away is this: before you judge someone else's culture, before you dismiss something  you aren't familiar because it's foreign to you, take the time to be informed. Take the time to pause and consider how many layers of history, culture, and tradition you might be disparaging with your initial assumption. Cultural sensitivity, inclusivity, and respect should always be the first and last stop as we engage with each other.

Photo Credit: Samia Gamal, source unknown

Check Out My New Video!

This post is going to be short and sweet. I recently did a new promo belly dance video, and I am loving the result so I wanted to share it with you. The videography and video editing was done by Kat Welsh of Tacoma Dance Studios. Kat and I got together on a beautiful sunny afternoon in Seattle and shot in the picturesque Kubota Gardens in south Seattle. The pink costume is by Anastasiya Romania and the purple costume is by Patrycja Marzec. Thus, without further adieu...

Follow Your Shiny Thing

I was having a bit of a reunion with the much-loved Pixar movie Finding Nemo this last week. And while I've always loved Dory, one of her behaviors in particular was sticking in my mind this time around. That behavior is her tendency to follow shiny things. Like complete, without hesitation, outright rapt and enthused, no holds barred attention to present shiny object. While in the movie it's painted as a bit of a negative personality trait, aligned with attention deficit disorder and lack of focus on the current task at hand, I think there's an underlying life lesson there. What is the lesson?

Follow your own shiny things.

Whatever that means to you. Whatever catches your attention again and again. The things that call to you, perhaps even when you try to ignore them. Whatever you feel inherently drawn to. The things that light you up inside and stir your passions.

I think as adults we often feel we have to focus on the adult-responsibilities of job, children, partner, home, and finances. And yes, this is absolutely true, these things need our time and attention. But I also think it's vital to our happiness and personal fulfillment to identify, find, and follow our shiny things.

It's sadly common, that our culture frequently only assigns value to the things or activities that bring financial inflows. While interests or hobbies that don't earn income are regulated to second place, if ever even given attention at all. Yes, we all need some type of financial influx to survive, but it doesn't mean that the things that align with our core values don't deserve a place in our lives as well. Abundance comes in many forms.

So give yourself permission this week to chase your shiny things. For some of you, I'm sure you already know what they are. But for others, if you're not quite sure, start noticing what catches your attention and piques your interest over and over again. It could likely be things that have chased you since childhood. Were you enraptured with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers waltzing across the silver screen? Sign up for that dance class already! Is it anything pink and glittery? Maybe a trip to a craft store for DIY headdress supplies is needed. Maybe it's been more of an adult discovery. Love an expertly crafted cocktail? Perhaps a bartending class or mixology book. Do you love settling into the couch to marvel at the physical prowess of the competitors on American Ninja Warrior? Then maybe it's time to research training gyms in your local area.

That's your homework for the month: follow your shiny thing. Take at least one step toward cultivating something that excites you and lights you up. Craft a life that is full and rich and meaningful. And who knows, maybe someday that things just might possibly be the thing that also provides you with financial abundance as well.

P.S. Dory also wants you to know that, "When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming."

Photo Fun from Over the Pop!

Last month, the company I dance in, Lunaria Dance Theatre, starred in a fun and frolicking two-night cabaret show, Over the Pop. Here are a few sassy and sexy pictorial highlights, taken by David Horvitz of Vitz Photos. The Lunaria company dancers in this year's show were Alessandra, Angelina, Genevieve, Gevene, Ava, Mellilah, Nieva, Shakti Moon, and Yaminah.