Alessandra, Signing Off

Well, 2020. What to say about that. I would love to never hear the phrase "social-distancing" again. However, when I reflect back on these last 12 months, for the year that was "canceled", I actually did quite a bit. 

Before the lockdowns hit the U.S., I got in an epic vacation to the Yucatan peninsula where I got to visit Chichen Itza, amongst over Mayan ruin sites, which was one of my dreams since childhood. The trip included Cancun, Tulum, Merida, Playa del Carmen, and sites in between. There was swimming in cenotes, dancing to salsa, watching epic live performances, and relaxing at the beach. 

When it comes to belly dance, I didn't do nearly as much as I normally do in a year, of course due to so many restaurants being closed and my company being on hiatus. But I did manage to squeeze in five performances. I also auditioned for and joined a ladies salsa team through Studio Azul back in January. Once the lockdowns started, we continued practicing virtually, which was sometimes a struggle, But in July we pulled off a live virtual performance, after only one in-person rehearsal. I also continued to take pole dancing classes when studios were allowed to be open, and I am proud to say I graduated to level two. I'm looking forward to resuming when studios reopen in Seattle. 

In April, I completely did the pandemic puppy thing and this fluffy, sweet little guy entered my life. He is my constant companion and I love him to the moon and back. Best part of 2020. 

I also purchased a condo this year! By the time I moved into my new space in July, it was my fourth address in less than two years (FML, moving is seriously the worst). But I'm happy to have found a permanent place to call my own, and have had fun selecting some new furniture and turning my second bedroom into my dance rehearsal space.

With so much performing art being cancelled this year, it was a necessity for me to still find ways to encompass beauty and creativity into my life, and am happy to say I had the opportunity to collaborate on five photo shoots this year, with the outcome being some of my all time-favorite pictures. But let me just say, my soul is dying to sit in a theatre or music venue and watch someone sing, dance, act, or play a musical instrument. Please can we get back to regularly scheduled programming some time in 2021!

Photo Credit: Al Martinez

Photo Credit: Boudoir in Seattle

Photo Credit: Al Martinez

Photo Credit: Al Martinez

Photo Credit: Fred Dimanno

I also found ways to keep myself entertained at home. I took up the very easy craft of diamond painting and completed two paintings. I purged my closets and donated two carloads of clothing and other household items to Goodwill (those hour-plus long donation lines were no joke!!). And I read 25 books, with Glennon Doyle's Untamed being by far my favorite.

For some much needed changes of scenery during pandemic lockdown, I was fortunate to get in some weekend trips to Vashon Island, Mount St. Helens, and Spokane / Coeur d'Alene. And finally, I tapped into my inner Katniss and took a six-week archery class during the fall. Yup, pretty sure that officially makes me a badass!

That being said, 2020 wasn't all fun and games for me, as I'm sure it wasn't for any of us. There were days when I felt my train had fallen off the tracks; days where I was melancholy, grumpy, and unproductive. You know how you usually say, wow, this year just flew by, what happened to the time? No, not this year. Not for me anyway. I feel I have been living in 2020 for something more like three years. Some days, I feel I have been working at my dining room table for all 16 years of my professional career. The repetition of it making me feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day. I also had quite a bit of personal relationship drama and distress. However, I'm happy to say that now, by the end of the year, things have worked themselves out in that regard.

One of my personal realizations has been that the lockdown triggered a significant amount of childhood emotional trauma for me. I grew up in a cult where one's whole life was dictated to you: who you could be friends with, what career you could aspire to, how much education you could attain, what clothes you could wear, who you could marry, what music you could listen to, pretty much even the thoughts inside your own head. So there were elements of the lockdown for me, being so restricted on what you can and can't do, that brought me back to being in a cult and a culture that I had escaped from as a 17-year-old. It created high levels of anxiety and depression for me at the beginning of each new lockdown cycle, and it was something I had to actively work through, including speaking with a therapist about, amongst other issues related to both the past and recent events. 

Looking forward. 

I know just because tomorrow morning we will wake up in 2021 that not everything will be resolved. But with advances related to the vaccine, I feel optimistic that things will slowly start to get better. I also have a number of personal goals that I feel excited and energized about: seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time, upping the ante on my fitness and wellness, studying belly dance with my favorite dancer Diva Darina, traveling to Chile, hopefully riding in a hot air balloon, amongst a number of other aspirations. Overall, I'm trying to focus on the things I can control. Always wise advice, but especially in a time period when so much is out of our control, I think that attitude is even more important than ever. Twenty twenty-one, let's turn the page to a new chapter. I'm ready. 

And finally, to the title of my post: signing off. I've made the decision that this will be my last blog post. It's been a long run for sure. I've been posting every month since 2010; an entire decade. This post will make post #180. I've written about the history of belly dance, tips for performing, and belly dance cultural icons. I've interviewed fellow dancers and had guest bloggers. I've shared my personal struggles, triumphs, dreams, and goals. The past posts will continue to stay up, but in the interest of making more time for other pursuits, I have decided that I will no longer be posting new content here. However, you can continue to find me on my belly dance Facebook page at Alessandra Dance and my Instagram page at andria_alessandra. 

To each of you, thank you for reading along with me all these years. I appreciate you taking this journey with me. Wishing you a happy new year, filled with love and abundance. Blessings. 

The Wound Is the Place Where the Light Enters You

I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved. - the Universe

Oh 2019, where to even start with you? It was a year of ups and downs. Some very intense challenges and soul crushing situations. But at the same time, it was a year of building my future and laying the foundation for my future happiness.

This year was the year I legally finalized my divorce. Like many couples, we weren't in agreement about how to allocate our financial assets, which makes an incredibly difficult emotional situation even worse. After teetering along the brink of bringing in lawyers, we were finally able to come to an agreement. Check one, on thank God that situation is behind me.

The house I owned and put up for sale back in 2018 finally sold in 2019. Let me say, it's really not a stellar feeling to be paying a mortgage for months on a house that you aren't even living in, not to mention paying a ridiculous amount for rented furniture to keep the house staged and attractive to potential buyers. But bad timing with a slowing Seattle market left the house up for sale for almost six months. However, it finally sold and closed in early 2019. Check two, on thank God that situation is behind me.

Then there was my job. My previous job had turned into a very toxic work environment, that perhaps in a less-stressful time in my life I would have had more energy, patience, and perseverance to deal with. But not this year. I finally reached my breaking point in early 2019 and actually submitted my resignation without having another job lined up. It was a moment of stomach clenching nerves, and dear God what have I just done anxiety. But there was a part of me who knew it was something I had to do. After a flurry of interviews, I believed I had my new job lined up, only to be given the run around about my new start date for over a month. I know, sounds cool to have time off of work. But when you are just waiting day by day wondering when you're going to have a paycheck again, it's really not that cool. However, a new job opportunity suddenly presented itself at the end of July and in less than a week I had a new offer. I'm enjoying my new company and position, where I feel challenged, engaged, and valued. Check three, on thank God that situation is behind me.

With divorce, house, and job resolved, I could finally focus on moving. Since moving out of my house, I had been living with a good friend, who had kindly opened her home to me. When I had first moved in, I was only supposed to be there for four months. Well, fast-forward twelve months later, and I finally moved out. While I can't underscore the bigheartedness of my friend letting me stay with her for that long, there is certainly a quality to staying in your friend's spare bedroom while all your stuff idles away in a storage unit that chips away at your self-esteem and makes you feel like a squatter. But in August I was finally able to move out of her apartment, reclaim all my furniture and household items, and move into my own place again. Check four, on thank God that situation is behind me.

Nonetheless, 2019 wasn't all dealing with adversity. There were definitely some highlights as well. I was signed as a model by a local agency in Seattle, Northwest Model Management. When I first started styling and participating in photo shoots as a model purely for fun, I never thought it would lead there. But happy to say that it did. I also had the good fortune to have some amazing travel adventures, spending weeks overseas in Barbados, the Dominican Republic, and Croatia. While my three and half month sabbatical got a little tense at the end, it was also pretty amazing to take a break from deadlines and the daily grind and just spend my days doing whatever I wanted, which turns out was a lot of reading, journaling, working out, cuddling with my dog, catching up on sleep, and generally being outside in mother nature. And of course dancing. The extra time off work, coupled with some hustle, lead to me performing more than I ever had before in my life throughout the summer, with multiple gigs almost every week of summer.

The trajectory of events starting in 2018 and culminating throughout 2019 lead to me getting my second tattoo, a long Farsi cursive script running down my spine. The words are from the Sufi poet Rumi and they read, "The wound is the place where the light enters you." And I think that about sums it up. I believe it's the hardest moments in our lives, the ones that keep us up at night, that make us doubt ourselves and our abilities, that make us question the possibility of making it to the other side, that these are the situations that makes us grow as individuals. That push us to the next level. The adversities that wound us deep in our core are also the challenges that break us open to be bigger, better, and brighter than before. It's these events that allow the light into the dark recesses and the hidden places that it couldn't have reached before.

Yes, the wound is the place where the light enters you.

Au Revoir 2016!

This time of year I always like to take a moment to reflect on the year and what has transpired. I'm a big believer in goal-setting, and I think it's vitally important to regularly reflect on progress toward goals; assessing what went well, what still needs work, and what just needs to be celebrated.

Looking back on 2017, it was in short, a pretty epic year for me.

The year started with me joining Lunaria Dance Theatre as a company member. It's been amazing and inspiring to work with this group of talented women, as we perfect our acts. Throughout this year we've been working on choreographing and producing our own full-length cabaret show, which will debut on March 11, 2017 at Hale's Palladium in Seattle.  If you're interested, tickets can be purchased here.

This year also proved to be the year that my husband and I finally bought a house! The Seattle housing market has been skyrocketing over the past few years, with demand greatly outpacing supply. It took us two years and five offers, but we finally were able to close on a home that we love.

During the summer of 2016, I also had the opportunity to attend Aziza's Dream Camp in Canada. Aziza and the guest instructor, Mercedes Nieto, were superb. You can read more about my experience at camp in this post. 

I also was blessed with being able to spend three weeks overseas in Austria and Switzerland. In these countries it seemed that around every corner was yet more beautiful countryside, stunning architecture, and cities blossoming with history and culture; it was a fabulous trip. You can see additional pictures from my adventures here. 

Some other fun highlights of the year were getting my picture taken as a mermaid, going overnight backpacking for the first time, completing a Wanderlust triathlon, spending the weekend inside a converted railroad car at the Red Caboose Getaway, dying my hair purple, and as always, lots of costumes.

With everything that happened during 2016, the one goal of mine that really got put on the back burner was finishing a draft of my novel. I started the year with 38,000 words written, and ended the year with 48,500. So progress, but not all the way to my intended 65,000 words. 

Well, that's a wrap I think. After all that activity, I plan to spend these last few weeks of 2016 being as tranquil and low-key as possible! Wishing you a very merry holiday season, and hoping you saw some of your dreams actualized this year as well. Let it sparkle!